Fear of having Faith kills dreams

One of my spiritual gifts is “Faith.”

For the longest time I lived life not understanding why people didn’t have the same amount of confidence in God as I did.

“What do you mean you doubt He’ll do that for you? He is GOD so of course He can!”

I didn’t understand until I realized that my deep faith within Him was a spiritual gift, and that not everyone had it as strongly as I did.

Yes – Being a Christian requires faith. So everyone HAS it. But those with faith as a high spiritual gift have it to the next level. One where their confidence drives out their doubt.

My faith has allowed for me to ask for BIG things in the name of Jesus, because I knew who my God was, and I knew who I was within my God.

I am the daughter of a King. And as the child of a King, I can ask for anything because He has the power and authority to give it to me, His beloved child. Now, does He withhold because He is my Father and knows that something might actually not be good for me. Yes, of course. But I also know He could give me everything I’d ever want and dream, because I know the power and authority He holds over His Kingdom.

Something I’ve been struggling with lately is fear of idolatry, and focusing/praying/spending too much of my time and attention and focus on the wrong thing.

But here is what that fear has done for my faith.

It’s paralyzed it. Because I am SO AFRAID of doing it “wrong,” I’ve stopped doing it at all. And I don’t think that honors God at all.

Even in the times when I idolized and prayed about the wrong things, He still worked. He still spoke. He still led me. And He still loved me. He gave clarity where I had none. He redirected me when I strayed off the path. And He was always always always speaking and teaching me.

But when I become too afraid to pray for something because “What if it’s not what God has for me,” I miss out. God’s Kingdom misses out. Because I am shutting myself out from hearing God speak. Maybe that thing IS the wrong thing to pray for. But don’t I trust and believe He will correct me? Maybe that thing IS an idol. But don’t I trust and believe He will free me? Maybe that thing ISN’T what God had for me. But don’t I trust and believe He will reveal what He does have for me?

If I sit and refuse to pray at all out of fear of it being “wrong,” — I always lose. Always. Because by refusing to pray, I stop speaking to Him. I stop listening. And fear rules my life instead of confidence that my God is King.

So Father, in the name of Jesus, I ask for the big and scary things. I ask for my deepest desires and bravest prayers. I ask for my Jericho prayers to be fulfilled. I ask for my scariest prayers to be blessed. I will continue to pray for the things I desire most, because I have full confidence you will speak otherwise and redirect me if I am on the wrong path. But until then, I will continue forth spending time with you, trusting you, and believing you could fulfill every promise.

I ask that the things I’ve dreamed for my life come to fruition. Because I will end up living my dreams, and they will be immeasurably more than I could ever imagine. Because I trust that you are who you say you are. And my dreams will always, always merge into what you have for me. Maybe the dream I end up living isn’t what my 20 year old self had in mind. But my 30 year old self will be living her dream because you worked and molded my heart to fit yours.

And that life… that will always be me, living the dream.

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